The Sordid Side of Christmas

 

Does anyone really like fruitcake? I tend to doubt it. I daresay that, for the most part, anyone who actually professes to like fruitcake is playing some kind of twisted mind game, one even darker and more insidious than the unspecified games that Santa's other reindeer wouldn't allow poor Rudolph to join in. I mean, come on. Fruitcake? It's hard, sticky and made up of ingredients that aren't even really fruit. How it came to be a classic component of Christmas cuisine, I'll never know. And although I don't fear it as I do some other things...mannequins, for instance....I feel compelled to take a public stance against it at every opportunity. And what better opportunity than in this brief holiday post? In fact, fruitcake isn't the only annoying and/or disgusting element of Christmas. Let me acquaint you with a few more.

  You've seen it countless times on "Christmas Story", and replicas of it in stores, and you may even have one of your own in your very own colored light infested, holiday-trimmed home. God knows I did, until my son took it with him to college. To be fair, I actually like the damned thing, mainly because I am...well...strangely fascinated by such icons of pop culture kitsch. But there's a thin line between celebration an iconic image and falling victim to overkill. Of late, I have even stumbled across knock off versions of this holiday lamp classic. That's just not right. Not to mention that it means that the only way to restore the inherent cool of the item within the context of one's decorating scheme is to alter its appearance in some subtle but creative manner. I, personally, would opt for sequins. I always opt for sequins. They rock.

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Inflatable lawn decorations irk me anytime of year. Whether it's Halloween witches, Easter bunnies, or Christmas-themed nutcrackers, these saggy symbols of holiday commercialism strike me as the visual equivalent of fingernails raking across a chalkboard. Colored light-laden plastic reindeer and jolly Santas might be off the scale as far as the Christmas cheese-o-meter is concerned, but they at least have a history and durability that lends them some appeal. Inflatable snowmen and elves are just oversize balloons listing on borrowed time. Say no to inflatables next Christmas. Please. The sense of pride you save may be your own.

. It's not the movie itself. I'm a huge fan of both Jimmy Stewart and Frank Capra, and "It's  A Wonderful Life" is one of their best and most enduring cinematic efforts. Any movie that still draws in viewers over sixty years after it was first released deserves to be canonized.....if movies could be canonized, that is. So, no, it's not the movie that irks me. It's that damned scene where Jimmy Stewart goes to see Lionel Barrymore (aka the nefarious, Grinch-like Mr. Potter) and is almost, but not quite persuaded to sign away his soul on the dotted line in exchange for a better job and a higher income. What's my gripe? It's that every time I watch that scene, I find myself hoping that, this time, Stewart will give in, take the money, and buy his huge family a house with stairs that aren't falling apart and refurbished windows that don't let the heat escape. I mean, it's a huge family. Self-pride and a commitment to a higher purpose are all well and good, but are they going to pay for Juju's college tuition or make it possible for the daughter who plays the piano to take lessons so that she can learn to play more than one annoying song? No, they're not. And although it wouldn't be much of a movie if Stewart caved and gave into the fat man's cajoling, it would make me feel better about the future of the Bailey clan. Sorry. Sue me. Just not on Christmas.

Well, that's it from the tree streets. If you celebrate Christmas, have a good one. And if you don't, well, you'll just have to find something else to complain about. See you on the other side. xoxoxoxxoxooxxoxxoxxooxox