Strange Fascinations: Forgotten Minor Celebrities: Totie Fields

Strange Fascinations: Forgotten Minor Celebrities: Totie Fields: If you're under 45, you've probably never heard of her. If you're over 45, you may have heard of her, but have somehow confused her with...

Thanksgiving? Stuff It, Please.

Guess who won't be floating the gravy boat this year? That's right. Moi.

 

"The Pink Goes It Alone"

 It's hard to believe, but next week will bring yet another reason for misanthropes, depressives and the socially disenfranchised to feel bad about the world in which we are forced to live. That's right...Thanksgiving. That most quintessential of American holidays is only a week away, and if, like me, you can hardly bear the thought of being exposed for the loner and/or social or familial pariah that you are, you've probably been doing your best to shut out the reminders of its encroaching presence. Hard to walk around stores with blinders on, though. Even harder to avoid conversations with friends who are all hepped about the advent of the holiday season and insist on gushing about their plans as though they can't imagine anyone not sharing their enthusiasm for a holiday that deifies the concept of family and togetherness and, in doing so, marginalizes those who don't have the option of celebrating in that time-honored manner.
    It's ten times worse when you're a woman. In fact, from what I can tell,  for most people, the only thing more incomprehensible than being a woman alone on Thanksgiving is being a woman who would rather be alone on Thanksgiving than be the designated "outsider" seated in the "pity chair" at a family gathering. There's nothing worse than being the person in that chair; especially if, until recently, you were the hostess at your own holiday gatherings and are still smarting from the cessation of the familiar, cherished rituals. Somehow, though, it's almost impossible to explain that to the well-meaning friends who invite you to share their tables because they can't stand the thought of you sitting home alone. The ensuing discussion never seems to resolve anything and , invariably, ends with the well-meaning friend sighing and patting your arm and saying, "Well, the invitation stands, if you happen to change your mind."
    I won't be changing my mind. When the holy turkey day rolls around next week, I won't be sitting among the fortunate members of a happy, intact, thriving family with a forced smile on my face as I try to pretend it makes me feel better to be included in their holiday festivities. I won't be dusting off my own gravy boat, either. I'm doing the only thing that I feel like doing under the circumstances. I'm going to ignore Thanksgiving and shun its accourtements like bubonic-carrying fleas on a Macy's Department Store basement rat. No mixed nuts, pumpkin pie or leftover turkey in a Tupperware bowl for this gal. No witty repartee over pre-dinner cocktails whilst trying to pretend that I really am glad that accepted the invitation, after all, and am, despite my previous misgivings, actually grateful for the chance to forget my sorrows for a few hours before going home and resuming my close relationship with them. Nope. Next week, I will be eschewing the classic eats and turning my back on the trappings of a holiday that seems to have been tailor made to torture people like me. Patti Smith sang it best, in her dark hymn to alienation: "Jesus died for your sins, but he didn't die for mine." I don't know about Jesus and my sins, but Smith was definitely on to something. To paraphrase: Tom Turkey died to feed your family, but that basted bastard didn't die for me. Not this time anyway.
    And now, in an effort to show that I'm not a complete sad sack with a chip on my shoulder the size of one of those hideous inflatable pilgrims that have been decorating lawns for the past several weeks, I offer the following random images for your perusal, enjoyment and possible edification.

Cry me a river....again.

She was very funny. (I think.) And dead now, too.

John Taylor of Duran Duran. That is one very lucky bass guitar.

Mermaids are very distracting, one must admit.

 What's better than a Butterball? Greta
in the long haul. His loss.

 Jimi Hendrix. Always appropriate. The wind cries
Mary still.

Our eerie-eyed blog mascot from "Wisconsin Death Trip." We take her everywhere.

Sister Sarah from Nuns With Big Guns. Best acted nunsexplotation film ever.
This is no nude bimbo with a bad habit and a Saturday Night Special. It's
Sister Theresa meets Rambo in a cult classic fandango.

Forgotten Minor Celebrities: Totie Fields

If you're under 45, you've probably never heard of her. If you're over 45, you may have heard of her, but have somehow confused her with actress Kim Fields who played a character named Tootie on the 80's sitcom "Facts Of Life." But some of us still remember Totie Fields as a frequent guest on the 1960's and 70's television talk show circuit. Born "Sophie Feldman:" in Hartford Connecticut in 1930, Fields was a comedienne and singer in the old school variety tradition who got her big break when Ed Sullivan caught her act at the Copacabana (shout out to Barry Manilow!) in New York and booked her on his really big shew. The rest is minor celebrity history. Sadly, in the late 70s, Fields' health began to fail, starting with a blood clot that eventually led to the amputation of her left leg, which was followed by two heart attacks and the removal of her right breast after she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1977. A year later, Fields was voted "Female Comedy Star of the Year" by the American Guild of Variety Artists and was poised to begin an engagement at the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas when she suffered a fatal pulmonary embolism at her home. Fields was 48. Her ashes are still in Las Vegas. Sadly, the Sahara closed in March of this year. To see Fields in action (and in a really strange dress) hit this.

Mannequins Make Life Hell

That's right, strangelust succubi and wanton wastrels. It's the first Friday of what looks to be a long, overwhelming month, which means that it's time once again for another post on that most horrifying of man-made creations---the mannequin. As horrified as we are by mannequins and all that they represent (which we can't even begin to articulate this late on a Friday afternoon without some sort of fortifying addition to our bloodstream), our "creepy mannequin" posts seem to be our most popular. Call us an attention whore, but we like having readers. So, grab a stiff drink, swallow hard and long, and take a gander at the godawful images we've found of mannequins from all over the world. (Oh, yeah, they're freaking everywhere. It's a plague.)

The theme here seems to be "scary mannequin." As though the adjective is necessary!

Too real, too real, too real. Next picture, please.

Arty concept or toilet humor? The real question is, why must they exist at all? Mannequins, that is. We are cool with the toilet

If God had wanted mankind to make plastic likenesses of people and stick them on pedestals in stores, we would have been given the ability to make them somehow look less creepy. But since that isn't the case, apparently, why not just switch to artistic shelves or clothes holders or something? They would never come to life at night.

No, no, no. Ever. Jeez....

Wide mouthed mannequins are waaaay too prevalent. Is it an inside joke? A conspiracy? All we know is that we hate this mannequin..

What's Mr. Roger doing here? What do you think? We get scared uploading these photos of mannequins in our dark flat at all hours of the night with no one around to say comforting things to us. We just sort of needed Mr. Rogers to help us regain our sense of equilibrium. And now that we are once again certain that we are special just the way we are and that even if a mannequin did come to life, it could never get past the self-defense moves of Daniel Striped Tiger... We just want to say that we hope you enjoyed this latest unsettling traispse down Mannequin Lane, and rest assured there will be more opportunities to revisit this hideous section of that crazy, always-a-blue-light-special, vlean-up-in-aisle-three, express lane closed department store we call LIFE. xoxoxxo